life goes on

I have been reminded this week, that even though my world has metaphorically been standing still since December 25 - life itself goes on.

I started school this past week.  It, like many other experiences, was bittersweet.  It's my last semester of my undergraduate career - and I know that Kyle would have been so excited to see me start it off.  The welcome from my professors and fellow students has been heartwarming.  I have gotten so many hugs and "I'm praying for you's".  I'm taking my final internship class this semester.  I had an interview today for my internship site.  I have recently found out that this place looks to hire on their interns - and from what I've heard about salaries and benefits, it sounds like a great place to get my foot in the door.  Kyle would be absolutely beaming at this news! (separate post coming about the interview).

Life goes on.

2 out of our 3 kids have gotten sick over the past week; both with different illnesses.  I'm glad to say that they are both on the mend - but this was my first time dealing with sick kiddos without him. I could definitely feel the loss.  Our pediatrician is amazing though.  When I had taken our youngest in to see her, I let her know about Kyle.  She told me that I had the right to be as paranoid as I need to be right now where my kids' health is concerned.  Then a few days ago our oldest started coming down with symptoms that just 10 months ago caused him a seizure and won him a helicopter ride and a week's stay at to a children's hospital.  So I wasted no time in getting him in with the pediatrician.  The pediatrician got him figured out and suggested some over the counter medicines and he's nearly 100%.

Life goes on.

The check engine light in my van came on today.  Luckily my sister was in town so I was able to get it into the shop fairly quickly so they could run diagnostics on it. It could have either been a cheap and easy fix or an expensive and difficult fix.  Thank God it ended up being the cheap and easy fix.

Life goes on.

The laundry hasn't piled up, the dishes have been getting done, I've gone to classes, the kids get to school on time, dinner gets fixed, the house gets cleaned, the baby gets bathed, groceries get bought....life has continued on.

But, I think about him with every little thing that happens.  Like today - his mom and I headed to the social security office 45 minutes away to start getting things sorted out. It was a really great trip, despite them telling me that they couldn't help me there so I'd need to go to a different office or wait for my February phone appointment. But, I had a great time visiting with my mom-in-law on the way there and back - and even some what chuckling at our bad luck.  And in the back of my mind I knew Kyle would have enjoyed the ride and he would have tried to find some kind of humor in our misfortune.

Granted, the break downs have shortened and I have found myself smiling more than crying when I remember things about him.  But he's still very much a part of our day to day lives.

There was a time this past week when both kids had really rough nights with going to sleep.  They were remembering every detail about Kyle; how he played with them, how he talked to them when they were having crappy days, the way he'd hug them when they got home from school.  So, we sat up - on a school night - until past 11 o'clock and we all just cried together.  I don't know exactly what to say to them when they have these moments.  I don't want to talk them out of feeling sad - I want them to have those times to be able to get it out.  But, I am praying that they will eventually get to the point that the memories of his hugs, his soft spoken nature, the jokes he'd make....that those memories will make them laugh and be grateful for the time that we did get to have with him  - time that WE got and that no one else got to have.  I absolutely cherish those memories and I want to make sure that they stay at the forefront of our minds.

Even still - life goes on.