identities

I'm a firm believer that in life you find your identity in many things; and as you go along in life you constantly have to re-adjust your identities. 

As a teenager, I found my identity in school as a student and also as an employee as I took on my first job.  When I was married the first time, I found my identity in being a wife - and then added on to that was being a mother.  When I went through my divorce, it was a shock to my system because one of my identities had been taken from me.  I had to re-adjust and figure out my identity as a divorced, single mother - and no longer his wife.  Once I was through it - I found that this transition was actually rather enjoyable; I was able to find "me" again - as my first marriage took a lot of the "me" I knew and shoved her aside. I learned so many lessons during this transition - namely should I ever marry again, I knew to stay true to who I was despite a husband becoming a part of my identity. Shortly after my divorce, I added a new identity to my already established "single mother" status;  I became a full time student in college.  I thoroughly enjoyed this time in my life and loved adding this title to my list.

Then there was Kyle. Although he added yet another new identity to my being - he never once took away from my other identities or forced me to lose who I was in the process of becoming his "girlfriend" and then later as "Kyle's wife". In our marriage, I happily took on the status of Kyle's wife, mom, student, individual, etc.  And I was able to not lose myself and find a cohesive joining of them all. I felt like I had finally mastered the art of embracing my identities without my identities kicking "me" out.

Then Kyle was taken from me.  And with that, once again there's a change up in my identities.  I have to figure out how to go from "Kyle's wife" - to widow. I've come across several Facebook groups for widows.  One puts it so well "the exclusive club that no woman wants to be a member of".  Truer words have never been spoken!

Obviously the reason for my first marriage failing is completely night and day - not even in the same ballpark - from the reasons why I'm technically no longer a wife now.  So the stripping of an identity this time isn't something I wanted - it isn't something I sought out -and it's nothing that I had ever in a million years thought would happen. 

So here I am, yet again, on a path that's all my own - a path in which I am in charge of cutting out my own way - no road maps to tell me which way to go.  I just have to forge ahead and trust that I'm going in a good direction.