It feels like it's been forever since I last wrote - and then I see it's only been a little over a month and a half and I try to think about everything that has gone on since then.
I feel like I say "life is hectic" a lot. I guess I do say it a lot. Maybe it feels like I say it with the unspoken desire that it's going to calm down soon. You know, like when you leave a sentence hanging with a "but....". Life is hectic, but.....
Yeah. There is no "but". Life is hectic. Period. Or exclamation point! And really, I need to just settle to the fact that it's going to be hectic like this for a very long time. Embrace the hectic - or something like that.
But sometimes things happen and I make mental notes to jot it down or to write about it so that it's a memory that we can hold on to - something that when the kids are older they can read about as they grow to learn about their dad.
Over the past month two such things happened. I took photos with my phone to document and to remind me to blog about them. Then my three year old decided to send my phone swimming in the toilet and I lost the photos. Insert forehead slap here. So, I'm taking time to sit and write this out before hectic happens some more and I forget it.
Back in May 2011, Kyle, myself, and two of our closest friends had taken an adults-only trip to Kansas City. I am a big royal family nut and they had a traveling Princess Diana exhibit that I just had to go see. We had such a fun time. We spent a couple of days there. We went to Union Station, ate at a fancy-pants restaurant, saw the exhibit (where Kyle snuck a cell phone photo of Princess Diana's wedding dress for me), and just had a nice little vacation.
On our way home we had noticed that there were storms in the distance. Then we started seeing bits and pieces of stuff falling from the sky. At first we thought maybe they were leaves - but then quickly realized they were pieces of insulation from houses or buildings. I didn't grow up on Oklahoma so I was oblivious. But, when I saw that Kyle was concerned about it - I grew concerned. Kyle loved tornadic weather. He didn't like the idea of death and destruction - but he got a kick out of following the storms on radar and guessing their paths. I always chuckled when bad weather would start developing anywhere in Oklahoma. I knew I could go to our office and find him with two computer screens and his phone all set on various radars and live weather feeds. I knew I never had to worry about being surprised by a storm - he had all the angles covered!
Anyway, when we started seeing debris falling from the sky, Kyle pulled over on the side of the road to check weather apps and he also got a call from his mom about a tornado warning near us. We were, maybe, 10-15 miles north of Joplin, Missouri at the time. We made a group decision to head back up north to steer clear of the storm. Unbeknownst to us, the storm that we had avoided was the big 2011 Joplin tornado. That was a memory that I will have with me forever - realizing what we were driving straight towards and the way that God saved us from what could have been otherwise catastrophic.
Kyle and I were married nearly one year to the day later. Not long after we were married he decided we needed to work on assembling a tornado kit of sorts; just something that we could easily load in the van should a tornadic storm be headed for us that could sustain us for 24-48 hours. And, let's also be real here - we had been watching the Walking Dead and you can't say that if you've ever watched that show that the thought of a zombie apocalypse hasn't crossed your mind at least a time or two. We filled this giant tub with dried foods, baby needs, electronic devices, panchos, medicines, etc.
About five weeks ago I was going through tubs in the garage in an effort to free up some space and I ran across this tub of supplies. I opened it up and I couldn't help but smile. It's as if Kyle had prepared a housewarming AND baby-welcoming gift for me - full of things that I needed, but didn't actually have in the house. There were two HUGE economy packs of batteries (name brand - because who has time for off brand?) that still work. There were also flashlights, a weather radio, writing tablets (he knew my love of office supplies!), water filters, a giant tarp, bungee cords, rope, and tape. He also sent a huge pack of baby wipes, baby spoons, and bibs. These were originally for our now-toddler - but I'm guessing Kyle had no clue he was actually buying them for a son he would never meet. And just for giggles - about 5 packs of dried fruits. Our home sits on a half-acre lot that backs up to woods. We have deer out this way that I love. I put the dried fruits out as a treat for our deer.
Here we are - over a year out from last seeing him - and God has still found ways to gift us with little touches here and there from him.
A few weeks ago I had signed up to join a women's Bible study. I had come home after our first session and knew I needed to hunt down my Bible. I have about five of them. It seems like each new season in my life I decide to buy a new Bible - but I always keep the old ones. I wanted to find the last Bible I had purchased. It was a Bible that I bought before Kyle and I were married. He and I had found a church in Oklahoma that we loved and wanted to be involved in so we decided to go buy new Bible's together to mark the occasion. I found it downstairs in a box in the office. When I was thumbing through it a note card fell out, a note card I had completely forgotten about. Based on dates on the cards I'm assuming I wrote it in late 2012, early 2013. It was a "vision list" of sorts on one side and the other side contained my prayer list.
It wasn't long.
On the vision list side I had written about wanting a reliable vehicle with low miles that would fit our family needs. Next to it the words "done 2013". I had been involved in a no-fault car accident when our now-toddler was just three weeks old. This resulted in our van being totaled - and us being blessed with the ability to purchase a newer model. God had used a tragedy to bring us blessings.
Then my eyes glanced at the other side of the vision list. It was about specifics for a home for us.
I actually gasped out loud when I saw the list.
You see, back then we were living in an 1100 square foot home with a small fenced in back yard. It was a rental home. With a family our size - with plans to have more children we had hopes of one day owning our own home - so I decided to dream big about it. I remember thinking that this home I had envisioned would be way off in the future. But when I read each of the specifications that I wrote on this list some five years ago, I realized that I was describing perfectly the home that God allowed me to purchase here in September of last year:
-greater than 2500 square feet (this one is 2600),
-at least 3 bedroom/2 bathroom (this one is 4 bedroom/3 bath),
-huge fenced in backyard (we have a 1/2 acre lot - half of which is fenced),
-and a big kitchen (my kitchen now is ideal for me).
A huge smile washed over my face. I marveled at how God had taken this "wish list" of mine and brought me to it.
Again - he has used a tragedy of epic proportions and has brought blessings out of it.
Then I flipped the card over to the "prayer list" side.
The first item on the list "complete family restoration" - with the words "done 2014" written next to it. You see, in 2012 (when I wrote this list) my family wasn't whole, and hadn't been for a few years. All I had known growing up was this impenetrable, tight-knit family. Stuff happened. And there was a falling out of sorts. We went for years without some of us even talking to each other. I didn't think we'd ever be whole again. But God caused such restoration to happen in our family in 2014. And our family has never been the same - we are, I feel, stronger than we have ever been.
The last item on the card literally took my breath away and gave me goosebumps.
There it was - in my own handwriting:
"Kyle's complete healing"
I stopped in my tracks and sobbed. Sobbed! I sat on the ground where I was and just held this card in my hands and let the tears flow. There were tears for all different reasons; joy, sadness, anger, thankfulness...
In 2012 Kyle had been plagued with headaches. They eventually went 6 months before a diagnosis (and fix) was made. So, I'm sure that's why I wrote this on there. But at the same time - my brain and heart were so split on emotions.
I immediately felt gratitude. Kyle WAS completely healed. COMPLETELY! What an amazing thing to witness. And to see the words, in my own handwriting, knowing that when I wrote them - this outcome was NOT what I was expecting or praying for. Yet at the same time - his healing was all I ever wanted.
Then I felt the "why's" coming. Why God could you not have healed him HERE? Why did his complete healing have to mean him being gone from this earth?
Then I circled back around to joy.
Kyle is healed! He has complete healing from any and every ailment he had ever had or would have had. He has been made completely brand new. Wow!
God doesn't always answer prayers the way that we think that He should - but when I looked at this note card I realized that God answered every single prayer and completed every single vision I had on there.
How incredible it is to be so loved by the creator of this universe that He has seen fit to bless me the way that He has.
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